


As the World Falls Down

by disheveleddarkness



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Modern verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 00:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7016281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disheveleddarkness/pseuds/disheveleddarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a suicide attempt Ben is placed in psychiatric care. Medications improve his behavior, but misfortune is never far behind. Hux has never felt so helpless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As the World Falls Down

He knew something was wrong the moment he stepped through the door. Millicent was never this insistent with her meows, yet there she was walking around his feet and going on and on, chirping out a string of mews.

"Do calm down, Millicent. Goodness. Let me get situated." She was a smart cat; she should know full well he couldn't pet her with his hands full.

She followed him into the kitchen, still all but shrieking at him while he set his travel mug by the sink and his keys and book bag on the table.

"Millicent! Stop that!" Cam turned and knelt to lay a hand on her head -- but she darted away.

This was... weird. Cameron didn't like this at all, but he followed, and the two stopped at the bedroom door. His heart sunk when he watched Millicent scratch at the door. "M-move, Millie..." He scooped her up into his arms and opened the door, horror devastating his soul as he took in the sight before him.

For a moment time stopped. He couldn't think, couldn't breath, could only gaze upon his dear boyfriend.

He clutched a handgun he'd been too afraid of firing. Makeup ran down his face from eyes lined in black, and crimson soaked the sheets he was under.

His gaze shifted to Cam in the doorway, shame casting more sorrow over his pale face.

In his haze, Cam's terrified screams sounded much farther away than they were. Before he knew it, Cam was beside him, raking his gaze over the gashes in his arms and crying.

Ben had never heard him cry before. It was the worse thing he'd ever heard. Cam deserved better than this. Now he COULD have better than this. There was Mitaka... A better partner for Cam by far...

"What have you done?! Oh god!"

Fresh tears blossomed as Ben listened to Cam panic, but otherwise he was strangely calm.

Cam brought a hand to his pocket -- damn it he'd left his phone in his jacket in the kitchen. He turned to the bedside table, expecting Ben's phone to be there -- and he froze, whispering, "No..."

He snatched up a little medicine bottle and looked back to Ben. "How many did you take?!"

"I, I don't r-remember... Ten," Ben guessed.

Cam dropped the bottle and picked up Ben's phone, extending a shaking hand to him as he dialed and asked, "Please give me the gun, Ben. Please, hand it over."

Then the younger man obliged, but not without erupting into sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... C-Cam..."

There was an abrupt lapse in Ben's memory. Maybe he'd passed out for just a few minutes. He was still in bed, but Cameron was laying down and holding him.  
Waiting on help.

Ben reached for his hand, and they were silent, their hearts heavy with the possibility it was their last night together.

"Why?" Cam whispered when it was time to break their silence. "Why are you so unhappy, Ben? That you would do this? What have I done wrong? I thought we could be so happy together. I love you. But that's not enough, is it?"

"You've brought me more happiness than I've ever known." Ben answered, chest tight with sorrow and guilt ensnaring his weary heart. How could Cam think any of this was his fault?

Cam had always known Ben was a little different. There was no mistaking that, but he HAD made the mistake of believing love could heal mental illness. It had seemed to be so. Ben had been functioning in public better, and he'd seemed so much happier in general since moving in with him and Millie.

But his emotionally disturbed nature had overridden the lives for them Cam had worked to create. Perhaps it had never really diminished at all, and Cam had made no difference in his life.

He kissed Ben's hair and interlaced their fingers.

"I love you," Ben said quietly. He could feel his heart slowing. Maybe Cam could feel it in his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm... I'm so tired, Cam. Tired of... Of hurting. Tired of living."

It was completely heart breaking to listen to him. Cam held him closely, and blood seeped through his shirt. "I'm... So sorry you feel like this. If I could... Protect you from yourself, I would. I would."

"You've done so much for me... You're amazing."


End file.
